Updated: May 25
A Graypist is a sexual predator who intentionally searches for, lives in, creates, and revels in the “plausible deniability” gray area of rape. They are the kind of men who will intentionally seek out situations where they know women are vulnerable or incapacitated, OR where they believe they can create enough confusion to where the woman is not likely to be believed.
Graypists are the kinds of men who will scream to the high heavens about women claiming “regret sex” is rape after the fact. Yet, interestingly enough, they can never articulate exactly where you gave them consent for any of it, because you didn’t. He just took liberties and assumed whatever he wanted was what you wanted. Assumptions without confirmed consent, is rape.
Common catch phrases/lies of Graypists:
“I was just so drunk I didn’t realize what was happening”
“I didn’t *mean* to put it in the wrong hole”
“I didn’t hear you say “no”
“I thought [insert outrageously violating sex act they had no prior conversation with you about] was okay because I’ve done it with other girls before and they liked it”. (which is likely a lie).
“Well you seemed like you wanted it” (and yet they can never articulate how they came to this conclusion).
The overwhelming vast majority of women are more likely to blame themselves, believe it to be an accident or a misunderstanding, and believe that the next time won’t be like that. We comb through every minuscule detail of the night and try and figure out what we did to communicate to the Graypist that his actions were okay. We may be angry, hurt, or even ashamed, but we *want* believe in good faith that the Graypist was telling the truth about it being an accident or miscommunication, because most women do not want to think of themselves as a victim, don’t want to navigate the nightmare of the legal system, nor want to deal with the emotional consequences of realizing someone you may have had otherwise friendly feelings for deliberately violated you.
The thing is, Graypists KNOW what they’re doing. They *know* all they have to do is ply you with a convenient lie about what happened and what his intentions were and most women will fold. They thrive on the fact that women are socialized to constantly doubt their perceptions of events and physical boundaries. They KNOW it would be massive undertaking for you to go get a rape kit and navigate the legal system and they’re not likely to face consequences.
And we may even continue to communicate with the Graypist on friendly terms, continuing to believe the plausible lie….. UNTIL:
You find out from another woman he “accidentally” did the same thing to her
You have sex with again, and the “accident” happens again
He blatantly violates other boundaries so deliberately or callously you recognize a pattern
You find out through talking with him that it was not an accident
You attempt to bring it up and He goes into a narcissistic scrote rage and denies or claims to not remember indisputable facts about what happened or flat out refuses to communicate, period.
These are all situations in which it is perfectly logical and necessary to report your rapist after the fact, because new information was revealed to you that leads you to credibly believe this was not, in fact, an “accident”, a misunderstanding, or a one time mistake, but a pattern of deliberate predatory behavior. This is a dangerous criminal who is likely to repeatedly offend.
Furthermore, the difference between enthusiastic consent and a “Graype” is so vast that any man willing to take liberties when you’ve given him less than that, should be met with high suspicion. Do you think a man who is accustomed to giving women multiple screaming squirting orgasms would ever be confused what a woman in the throes of ecstasy looks like? Not likely.
The standard is not “you didn’t do enough to stop me”, the standard is enthusiastic consent, and ALWAYS hold them to it