Updated: Aug 24
Are we not allowed to be creeped out by creepy dudes now? When did we all decide people’s sexual preferences were separate from their actual values?
There was an interesting discussion recently on r/TwoXSex about kink shaming:
It was in response to a post where a woman was bothered by her boyfriend calling her “slut” and “whore” during sex. They framed the whole thing as an issue of incompatibility, but didn’t want to “kink shame” him for his sexual preferences.
Why shouldn’t we kink shame him? Aren’t his kinks reflective of who he is as a person and his values?
At what point can we say “this man is a sexist monster”? Shouldn’t it really be the first time he suggests he wants to call you a whore?
For example, If I’m with some white guy and he wants to call me racial slurs during sex, I’m going to go ahead and assume he’s a racist. Likewise, if some man is turned on by calling me misogynist slurs, I’m going to assume he’s a misogynist.
It’s not just a matter of “leave if you don’t want to participate and are incompatible” - it’s a matter of these impulses being pretty fucked up inherently and reflective of deeper issues with that person.
Even if he’s a “nice guy” otherwise, I’m judging the kink as who he truly is and how he truly feels, not the public civility mask he’s trying to show me. People hide their true feelings beneath polite social veneers all the time, often to virtue signal and/or disarm people they intend to prey upon.
Why should any woman, ever, not be EXTREMELY alarmed at a man who openly wants to degrade her sexually?
If his desire to reenact degrading sex is so ingrained he can’t separate his sexuality from it, that’s who he is at his core and that’s where his actual values lie.
The kinksters won’t just agree to disagree and settle into “yeah it’s problematic but I like it” , they aggressively are trying to break women’s boundaries down and say we’re crazy, regressive, antifeminist, and judgmental for thinking these behaviors and impulses are abhorrent.
They insist the behavior men are displaying is not *really* what he means and it’s not a red flag. This feels like gaslighting.
Women have a right to find kink completely repulsive and freely express they find that person repulsive.
Don't let anybody waive away all the problematic elements of their sexual preferences and and absolve themselves from them by calling it “kink”. His kink is the real him. Judge the fuck out of it at face value.