Establishing Queen Energy From Day One
Updated: Oct 12
“In every woman, there is a Queen. Speak to the Queen and the Queen will answer.” –Norwegian Proverb
Ok this one is a little long- but this is basically the detailed lowdown on what I have learned throughout my life about assertiveness with men- what works (got me a high value man taking the lead/on my tail long-term) & what doesn't (got my ass run by a low effort time waster!). Listen in as you reap the benefits of YEARS of mistakes!
One thing I have realised when looking at my mistakes, is the power of assertiveness- which is absolutely significant in the early stages of getting to know a man because this is his first impression of you (of course you must keep it up thereafter too). Have you noticed, some people just put you on edge more than others...and you are more scared to offend or put a foot wrong? Like an established career woman in a slick suit skirt combo that can read unfit candidates like the palm of her hand.... & if you fixed up your CV, she will soon catch you bluffing. You know she has power & you want to win her approval because there is an instant respect felt without knowing her. That's exactly the energy you need to manifest- like you are 100% sure they are TOAST if they don't meet the requirements & they need to be sure they're taking this seriously- this is not the place for fooling around (you are not a naive pickmeisha). Assertiveness has the ability to completely change the outcome of a dynamic- which is why men will dip their toes in with some women & splurge /chase after others- because certain women will not budge on how they expect to be treated at all. Where I left men some ambiguity about my standards or I allowed them to laugh off some disrespectful joke or temperature test due to them being attractive...they tried to take me for a ride & made assumptions about my strength of character or what I would/wouldn't tolerate. And of course that issue slowly escalated until I cut them off.
Really that just wasted my time and we want to avoid these false starts- which is why you need to make it crystal clear to these men what you will/won't tolerate from the get go. Give them zero leg room, if you slip up & give your power away...it is very difficult to gain that footing back. They need to see you have a solid character and firm boundaries that isn't going to budge. As a woman, the ideal position is they are working harder to cuff you & are somewhat more scared about losing you (because the game is rigged). Don't give attractive men special treatment or get nervous because I guarantee if they asked you out, chances are you are just as attractive if not more anyway (women scrutinise themselves way too hard when to men attractive= attractive)- so stop putting him on a pedestal above you. Who cares if he gets attention? You get attention as a woman too. Big woop, you got options here as well. Stop seeing these men as something above you or unattainable just because they have maybe 1 or 2 attractive features (THE BAR IS LOW FOR MEN), we're at a time when women get 5000x more matches than men, we can glow up 50x easier than them, we are outrunning them in education & they still have to pay up & put in more work for those options unless they want a pass the parcel for a partner.
Don't let them think they are the obvious choice on looks alone. You ever seen a not so attractive person have an easy time with the opposite sex? That's because they're confident and assertive in who they are/ what they bring to the table. They have something that makes them stand out and lures lots of people in- they have an aura that is unique and hard to replicate so it is cherished by those around them. They didn't ACT like they were insecure or unsure of themselves- so they didn't get treated that way. They created value at their core self and built up a strong character with attractive qualities and interesting things to talk about. Maybe its their charismatic sense of humour, their resilience, their passion for travelling or something about them that lights up the room- either way they stand out for being themselves. Looking pretty alone won't do shit for men without assertiveness, hence why these men replace pretty docile women like they're flicking through a catalogue blind. Looking cute alone whilst acting passive, clingy and ditsy won't gain a high quality man's interest or respect- players love nothing more than flaunting arm candy for ego boots and people pleasers who are little bit slow on the mark. You have to have the unapologetic 'je ne sais qoi' to go with it. And yes, this will scare some scrotes off....its supposed to!
This is why 'average looking' women with an FDS mindset do far better at dating/ attracting HVM than even very attractive pickmeisha's who put in tons of effort appearance wise but are desperate and don't understand the game or what men respond to (watch what men do- not what they say: men say they want the sweet girl next door but instead chase the unapologetic woman with high self esteem & a devil may care attitude). The difference is confidence and knowing your value- that you're in the driver seat of your life & you set the bar. Confidence is about knowing your value, flaws & ALL - this makes people comfortable, since you are comfortable with yourself and it also shows you have self awareness about your value. If you are confident you are not fixated on micro flaws detracting from your 'je ne sais qoi' nor are you jealous, insecure or competitive around other women - because you know you have unique value on your individual journey through life. You're a multi-facted 360 high value woman and you know there is only ONE of you on this planet Earth so all you care about is becoming your best self- not aggressively trying to copy or outdo other women which will distract you from developing your authentic self. It also provides a huge mental barrier to manipulative types. The biggest deterrents to low value men are: CONFIDENCE, SELF-AWARENESS, ASSERTIVENESS and DISCIPLINE**. If you get these ducks in order you will find yourself entering the dating scene far more empowered and in control.
It's not enough to have a lot going for yourself- you have to ACT like it, its not enough to have self knowledge- you have to put it in action, its not enough to know they are acting up- you have to erect boundaries and let them KNOW its not cool and its not enough to know they're an asshole- you have to be willing to ditch the false start & move on. If a man starts up his stupid antics after sleeping with you- don't give him what he wants (an emotional knee-jerk reaction that implies he got under your skin)... instead, in a blunt monotone manner express you are unimpressed (Zzzz), inform them a woman like you has plenty of options available to them & finds men like him mentally feeble & replaceable. Then cut the cord. This will knock the wind from his sails & he will feel belittled. Do not rise to it, he expects you to get butt-hurt & chase after him like a puppy dog- if he is making it obvious he's up to no good he WANTS the reaction for his amusement only....its of no benefit of you to feed it him.
LVM feed off emotional reactions from pickmeisha's to boost their esteem- they want narcissistic supply & its possible they pursued you as you seem like a challenge to them (they often get bored of manipulating pickmeisha's after a while). They need to feel desired because they’re low value/ insecure - they put on an act to get you hooked because this makes them feel desired by women out of their league. It’s the only way they can get that attention from them without levelling up & doing the hard work. It’s a false ego. He may be looking to see how far up the food chain his 'game' has success- the more they do this the bolder they get with their audacity. Stop being scared to offend them- you need to come down heavy- otherwise these men will wriggle in and ruin your esteem- they will steal even more time from you. Don't just chase him because you're offended by his behaviour or rejection- his mask has slipped- do you REALLY want to be involved with that trash? You don't have to risk feeling more hurt, disrespected & used- be in control & cut him off. This kind of assertiveness will make you unattractive to manipulators- they know you put you & your dignity first before male attention- they know they can't shake your character or push your boundaries where they want: they are TOAST. You are no fun to them.
What I try to keep in mind, is in the early stages of getting to know a man, he is looking at you to communicate who you are and where your standards lie. You are new territory to him & so you want to give him clear guidance on where you expect this to go so he won't tail off & freestyle his intentions/push boundaries (as in you are not here to be pumped & dumped on a shoestring budget). Keep certain aspects of yourself in the dark for when he has come far enough to gain your trust. This is where restraint & discipline has to come in if they are funny/very attractive/have the gift of the gab..as in you're warming to them quick & in danger of letting your guard down too fast.
Brush off all attempts at him trying to probe too deeply on your personal /sensitive stuff fast (looking for vulnerabilities 9/10) & respond to any attempts at negging you with blunt sarcastic witty jabs (no over emotional reactions like he worked you up). This shows you can handle fools assertively without getting worked up: you can give as good as you get. This will either make him wind his neck in & make him stop his shit tests (he realises you're not insecure or here)....or he will escalate this in a bid to crack you & this will become a red flag to cut him off (he's insecure/out of his depth/trying to lower your self-worth). Always remember: men do NOT have access to sex 24/7 like women do- they will deliberately try to get your guard down to get in & get what they want as quickly as possible- even with zero interest in you as a person.** Keep this in mind when he comes out with the flattery- he needs to prove his worth over a set amount of time before you get excited and emotionally invest.
You also need to be going on dates with a 'Do I like YOU? Do you meet what I am looking for? Are you really different to any other guy? Does this man seem sincere, mature and respectful? Is he the type I could stick around for?' attitude instead of 'am I good enough for him??'- act like you already know you're a catch- but you need to know if he values it**. This is how a queen would analyse her candidates before birth control- make him work to prove himself. Please refer to the list of red flags in our handbook & wiki page to see what to look out for- when you see them: don't dismiss it. Evaluate him as a full long-term package- if something put you off about a house like the area or the locals you would not invest huge chunks of money because you know you’d resent it later down the line. So what if the house seems attractive itself and meets some of your criteria? Think long-term. Put yourself in the driver seat as a woman- he is here to be judged. Look confident in yourself and let him take your energy in. Be a creature like no other. This will put him on edge and scared to offend but he will relax his nerves a bit once you get talking. This won't throw off a HVM as he doesn't have anything to worry about- he knows you'll trust him in time and he knows you're worth the effort. He will demonstrate he values you and important: he won't appear to begrudge doing any of this either. HVM will take it at your pace, because they don't want to scare you off or lose you to another guy.
Whenever you fall into that 'Omg he's cute does he like me, am I good enough? What else can I do to impress???'* mindset- you're going to gift him the upperhand every time & end up chasing/getting your ass run because you're working too hard to to get his validation. Approach the date with QUEEN energy that fills up the room- keep the first dates more serious whilst you sniff him out- don't become the jokey fun drunk party girl he could just have a bit of fun on the side with (this is important- do not let him get you blind drunk- that's his tactic to get your guard down for sex). This is why if they're very attractive, you need to dull your enthusiasm a bit, at least until you're in the safe zone (past 3months)- don't get too giddy & googoogaga- this is just to prevent you getting physically overwhelmed & emotionally disappointed. This is just his SHELL - you need to learn more of his substance before you decide he's a HVM- many low value men sucker in women out of their league with their looks. Its easier to get sucked in and overlook flags if you're very attracted- its also easier to OVERESTIMATE their value. Don't put your value in his hands- you should already have the self validation and be looking for someone to honour/share it. A queen has self-value and strong roots regardless of who comes in and out of her life. That's why men chase her: she can take them or leave them either way and still be fine....and that's why they scramble to impress. She's looking for a specific kind of man, one who can prove his worth and demonstrate he cares about her....not just any old Joe to fill the vacancy.
They can smell that sense of self doubt/ desperation the same way we can so just relax- he really might not turn out all that (what if he's hot & turns out to be a simpleton? Are you a simpleton? Why does he deserve that pedestal then?). Switch off the scarcity mindset, most these men are very replaceable & far less impressive than they initially make out...and if he is a good egg you will not be worried if you are good enough, he'll make you feel special & sure of his investment/ intentions- no funky stuff. If he likes you he is going to be on your tail, be very respectful (scared to offend), taking things at a healthy pace (no love-bombing excess) & scared to give any other man an opportunity to swoop. And he's gonna be the 'don't worry, I got it' type- he will put effort into the date and discuss future dates with you (without you prompting). If he's testing your boundaries constantly, making obnoxious comments or demands- take that as a sign he's low value with nefarious intentions. No high value man who cares about you would put himself in a position to get nexted. Obnoxious behaviour is doing just that. Don't bend the facts to the fantasy!
So that means all your unflattering emotional baggage- keep that in the dark because men don't respect women who are way too empathetic or emotional upfront (this is highly desirable to manipulators & wimps & a needy red flag to mature HVM most times) - you seem too trusting, codependent & naive- easy prey. That's just how they see it, whether you're lovely or not, because they're socialised to see empathy/emotionally open people very differently to us, they see it as a weakness that will leave you exploited or a burden that will overwhelm him (unless they've known you a good while & established rapport to let you in). You can slow drip snippets here and there if he's very open himself- but don't give away huge revealing chunks of yourself- keep the convo on him, his career, his relationship with his family, where he likes to go out & what he likes to do- or mutual interests. If he is sticking around...there is no need to spew all your life deets within 3 dates. Allow a bond to develop slowly and genuinely. You have to learn to be frostier, cautious & guard yourself even if you're an open book/no bullshit person with a heart of gold- don't project this on him fast because he might not be as genuine as you- which means you're handing the devil a cheat sheet. If hes asking way too many personal questions about you whilst being coy about himself- stay alert of that. He's here to prove himself to you remember.
Also be aware that manipulative low value men are prone to selling you sob stories (about ex’s /their childhood) quick to make YOU respond by letting your guard down & revealing your weak spots - so be weary of this as this is often where we women slip up. This is their way of forging an emotional connection too fast before you've even had a chance to see how their character plays out over a set amount of time. For example: he says something heartwarming/ sad about his childhood issues & then we splurt out the deepest depths of ourselves. We are judging HIM remember- we already know ourselves- so let him prove himself over time before you truly let him in. Low value men know the prime door to get their foot in is through your emotions- keep that in mind always. Hence why women who can emotionally self regulate/have discipline/hold high standards are difficult to manipulate long term- they have internal barriers in place which prevent them from investing once his mask slips.
A savvy woman with experience of men, who has options & is not needy, is not gonna show her cards & play wifey fast- if she does, he knows shes REALLY into him & its going to pump his ego, make him think he can sit back & get away with doing bare minimum. So make him earn it. Men are used to insecure over emotional women being the norm & making them chase after/nag them- it bores them eventually...so be a challenge & make yourself stand out. Its going to make him curious why you have such high esteem & don't fall for or trust him easily. Show some restraint & keep your game face on, even if you really want to rip his clothes off or really like him, because you barely know this man, his intentions or his character. If you throw all your cards on the table fast, just because you fancy him...you're more likely to end up disappointed. All of this could be a honeymoon phase or a persona yet. Remember LVM will often present themselves as high value....no man is nicer than a man trying to get sex.
They are going to start laughing & getting cocky if they think they bagged you without much effiort & boy oh boy does that inflate a mediocre mans confidence- this is how their false ego gets built up. You need to bide some time getting to know his character before you start letting the guard down or cooking for him (wife stuff) or letting him in your apartment quick (convenient for him to escalate to sex). If he starts acting up cos he paid for a measly date or 2 and starts talking about you 'treating' him now or joking about your 'turn'/ going halfsies when he is grown- just laugh at the audacity & look around with the most unimpressed face like you're waiting for the joke- that will shut him up & he won't try that again. But I’d take that as a possible red flag he’s insecure, cocky or already resentful of the effort you require- likes he’s already considering whether the investment is worth his while.
A confident high value man knows a high value woman is worth every penny- he knows the return on that investment is high- he is sure he has the qualities to keep that woman off the market so spending on dates to prove his generosity is a small price to pay to bag his dream girl. Like I said don’t take personal offence to these tests- he might be worried he’s not enough of a man to keep you so he’s cautious of all this spending. But if he’s trying this shit test a lot- he is definitely low value/ not trying to commit. Believe me he will already know you’re high value- whether they are valuable enough to keep you off the market is another question. That’s for you to decide. It’s his risk if he wants to try take a high value woman for a ride- don’t feel bad you wasted his money if he’s happy to waste your time. No one told him to bat up this league, no one told him to lie about his intentions.
The reason why you should be that cold & avoid doing that? He knows he's pushing his luck & trying to undercut you & he's used to doing this- he has no shame to lose. This man is already cracking with min investment (so immature& not serious) & will 9/10 turn out to be broke, looking for a mommy dynamic or trying to scrounge off a HVW (let me live in your apartment &treat me like a King!!!). Its a shit test to see how quickly you'll pamper him without commitment/ knowing him well, he wants to see how weak your boundaries/self worth are & for all you know he's got some other pickmeisha's on the side already spoiling him doing that & have made him too comfortable. These sorts of LVM love being doted on by women, relying on their looks/game to hoover them in (because they're otherwise too low value) & they enjoy playing the damsel role to game you. They use their sob stories to get you hooked and to sympathise with their stagnancy (pay for me!!) & I'd shut that door on them very fast before you see that devious smirk flash & your suspicions are confirmed.
Don't be flattered by lovebombing/ excessive compliments & mistake that for real chemistry- that 'too good to be true' gentleman act/dopamine rush is usually short lived- so stay weary until you're over that 3month mark (he'll struggle to keep that up if hes bluffing- his attitude & real self will come out). A few compliments from him is totally fine but no 'omg you're absolutely stunning and amazing look at YOUUU!' all the time- its fake and insincere & hes doing it deliberately to put you on a pedestal he will later dethrone. It’s also likely he sees you as a sexual object for an ego boost so take a look at what he values. If hes always obsessing over your body parts & that's what he seems to value most in you - he'll probably obsess over the same body parts on other women walking past as well. Those types of men only see women as body parts to flaunt as arm candy.
Be unavailable at times so he doesn't automatically take priority 24/7 but don't overdo it. Dates planned in advance show consideration and commitment. Dates planned last minute, show he's just sneaking you in where is convenient to him, and you responding eagerly shows you don't have much else going on & you're too available. Don't be waiting eagerly for his texts like an addict- assume hes bullshit & make him work for you to think otherwise. Some bored men are just filling time/ distracting themselves. Equally if he's playing the loooong lazy game on a constant basis, as in really not making much conversational effort, don't get too excited & match his low efforts- he may be plating other women, not v interested or trying to turn you into a lapdog (chase me).
Don't over complicate it- men will make time for what they value. He will find time to mategate dream girl, because he's worried about losing her interest. If he has a v busy job or is going through something stressful (like a sick family member)- give him some leeway but he should still be communicating throughout the week & opening up his weekend time for you. If he is taking too long to reply too often- bring that up & communicate- find out whether its for genuine reason- make sure you're on the same page & he's in the space to date. Also pay attention to how fast he replies to his phone when with you- if he’s making you wait 4- 6hrs a time & replies to his friend fast- you know where you stand.
Make sure most of your communication isn't over text- he should be ringing and planning dates IRL- don't settle for distant low effort BS he could do with anybody- even if you don't like calls (its to test his whereabouts). If hes always texting/sending voicenotes- make sure you tell him you prefer phonecalls time to time (tell him back/forth texting bores you) - otherwise assume he has sidechicks & doesn't want random calls from them. Don't fall for that 'I don't like phonecalls' BS with men. Its easy for players to text multiple women simultaneously. If he hides his phone a lot or you see him grinning at his phone whilst texting suspiciously whilst ignoring you- get up and leave and tell him why: 'I'm leaving because you're rude'. Do not allow him to sit next to you casually replying to XYZ women from social media. That's a sign he is an LVM who is game playing to make you feel insecure & is not scared of disrespecting/ losing you. Don't internalise it....feel repulsed by it....some of these men are dumb & will try the audacity with women who are out of their league.
Address it- do not slip into pickmeisha mode by staying silent & sighing, secretly hoping they are just female friends. Same response if you see he gets 'hidden contact' notifications- that's exactly what you think it is- he's hiding something from you (&this is why i'd shun any 'exclusivity' talk from him fast- he means his exclusive rights to you so he can be sure you're loyal to HIM while he plates other women). Don't be sucked in by heavy sob stories about ex's/mental health quick neither- look at him like you find that inappropriate/awkward & change the convo like you're not here for the therapy chat on week 2.. because that could also be some bullshit to hook you in & mommy him/pay half. You don't know him well enough to know his character - don't get sucked in. HVM aren't telling you their life story quick bc it’s not appropriate or sincere....plus they're sticking around so they don't need to spew their life story/ deepest darkest secrets 3 dates in. They're cautious of scaring you off. If he has a lot of job stress/ a sick family member etc & feels you should know its fine for him to inform you of that & spare a few details- as long as he's not inviting you to play therapist. Affirm condolences/understanding and leave it at that. HVM is upfront but can emotionally self regulate and knows not to emotionally burden you- especially if he is new.
The minute you slip on this stuff in the first 3months, his fangs may come out. So you need to be watching for these signs- a HVM is going to pass these tests v smoothly giving you no room for doubt & an LVM is going to crack & make you question his intentions. He needs to feel like he is earning your trust/time/energy/exclusivity at a healthy pace & like you're not easily won over to attain a place of priority in your life. He also needs to know that you are good on your own & won't become a grade A clingathon- so find ways to fill your time: reading, studying, working out, pampering, travelling- find productive healthy ways to fill your solitude. Have other friends to talk to if hes busy & doesn't reply quick. ALWAYS make sure you have a life outside of this man. AHVM isn't going to love bomb you, he's just as savvy /guarded/picky as you are (if he's the real deal) & he'll be cautious who he gives his heart to, so he actually wants to spend time getting to know your character & un-peeling those layers. He will want a woman who communicates effectively and doesn't blow up his phone 24/7- which means he will value & miss your company- he will know you're level headed and not immature or desperate.
Don't give pretty boys a pass to skip the line just because they tick your boxes looks wise, he will be used to that & it'll pump his ego,. If anything, very attractive men are turned on by the women who don't put them on a pedestal simply for their looks. If you are bad at keeping emotional distance & cutting people off, go on more dates & get used to rejecting men till the point you're unbothered by it. Women who are used to rejecting men carry a very different energy to women who are too eager/ desperate & naive....and that's why men chase the less attainable. Watch videos on Youtube about the relationship between codependency/narcissists- get in therapy if you have an issue with that or any toxic family members/low value friends who are lowering your esteem & weakening boundaries. HVW are in the driver seat of their own lives and this is why they are very sure of themselves/ their standards... they don't look to other people to tell them who they are. They don't let other people skew their boundaries. Know where you're going wrong/where you need to wise up...because women that don't spend time doing this end up in 10 year slavery sentences before they snap out of it, if they even do. Don't bend the facts to the fantasy. There's always going to be men trying to dupe you, whether you are hot property or not, but when you're out here awake- you're going to spot them fast & avoid commitment to them.
You set the tone- not him- because you are the female with more options open & because most men are just trying to plate you for self gain. He knows this, and he knows if he puts one foot wrong you can afford to replace quicker than he can- that's why they will often come on their best behaviour in the early stage but if you don't keep this queen energy up he will start acting up & feel comfy too quick. He doesn't know what you're used to (treatment wise), how smart you are, how confident you might be and so its all guesswork to him. So the more crystal clear you make it- the sooner he will get the picture. So you let him know you like a man taking the lead, it makes you respect them more & cuts out confusion, that you like getting out doing a variety of things & hate lazy couch creatures who do the same thing 24/7 (slip in nice restaurants/bars/places you visit so he has ideas of your standards).
He needs to know you're in demand, a lot of men are on your ass & you're not giving them that chance for a reason. . Also a great way to test whether he is broke 'I've got a nice dress to wear ;), so you better be taking me some place nice, I don't want to waste it!'.
Most likely he will take you some place nice now, as he wants to see you dressed up 'look what I'm with!' (appeal to his ego), but watch to see whether he complains about the 'atmosphere' or prices (the bluffing broke LVM will complain about 2 drinks in). The high value man will seem very at ease, let you order what you want & won't make any complaint about the bill/atmosphere- he expects to take a woman like you to that kind of joint & impress.
Try to take them some place classy first & see how they respond to that environment (HVM who are eager to please/stick around don't care- they like these environments already). Don't be afraid to be audacious or seem a little high maintenance, because you're a high value woman that has worked hard at herself, not some trashy ass undesirable..and so you should be getting treated like it. Don't give him a bargain, men do not value it & you will train him to be low effort/stagnant. I constantly see grown women with low value men complaining about their stingy useless partner of 10 years who they will say is a 'good guy' & next week proceed to moan about his frequent stinginess, but 9/10 they did it, they settled way below the bar & trained him to be low effort from day 1 'don't worry I'll go halfsies I'm not superficial like X women' . Several years later...they are lucky if they get taken out for a cheap pub meal once a year.
Yet they still stuck around all that time so he does not take her threats of leaving seriously. He doesn't see her as valuable because he got to jump the line without working for it- pickmeisha just put herself on 75% off & handed it to him on a plate & expected he’d magically change for her. She made the allowances despite his less desirable wage/looks/personality/education/behaviour & he's still not budging for her- he's not spoiling her with kindness or romance to make up for it. This won't bring you happiness & lifelong pickmeisha's never are fulfilled- that's why they're so defensive towards anyone trying to raise their standards & help them out of the snaretrap they made a home in. They are the types to tell you, your standards are 'too high' & call you superficial- because you will look that way next to someone who undersold themselves, lives in denial & can't be single/ alone with themselves.
Women must put themselves in the driver seat, and not mould themselves to low standards for the benefit of low effort men. Pickmeishas stuck doing this can be very hard to penetrate, even with the best intentions, & some of them I think enjoy the victim complex of it all instead of having to face their esteem issues- because realistically they got their answers nine long years ago. We have to take responsibility for what we tolerate- and learn where we went wrong & contributed to the dynamic. We have to self reflect, adapt & demand better. These low effort incompetent men were blatant clearance shelf dusties from the start & women were leaving them there for good reason: they are low value and low effort. This is why women need to stop seeing potential in losers & stop falling hook, line & sinker for their sob stories - accept some men need to be left to it- accept some men are manipulative scroungers or self loathing losers and have NO intention to level up. We're not here to raise grown men & teach them how to date- a high value man has already done that so he can be of service to you. Its better to be single than mommy a grown man: he must lead and treat you with respect to earn your trust and empathy. If you really value your time...you will only let it go to a man who's showing he cares and is beneficial to your life.
This is why you set the standards high: its like bidding, you set your price high, so if the mans offer falls slightly under, you're still getting a tidy profit & adding value to your life- the man is adding to your life & making you more comfortable than you already are on your own- not just take take take. These pickmeisha's are in the minus, they're losing value, giving all their power away & the man isn't even appreciating them doing that most times lets be honest. They know they're getting a bargain & don't respect that woman- just like when you get something cheap- the value of that bargain is novelty & short lived. Men are very much like giddy children trying to push your boundaries with a grin- they are waiting to see your reaction & test the waters. You have to come down firm & discipline them so they know there are consequences- this deters them from doing that again to other women.
Pickmeishas make men way too comfy with their onesided setups- so they aren't going to tip the dynamic in their favour & get their footing back or any romance after years of nagging & putting in way more than he is. This is partly why men aren't stepping up as pickmeishas are happy to lower their standards to appease them (the other part is mens LACK OF MOTIVATION & entitlement), respect has to be set up at the start & you have to be willing to erect boundaries or leave if they don't keep up (this is where so many fail). Men start learning at some point when they get stung & lose a good one- they start realising that kind of bond doesn't come around often. They start to understand the value of that woman. And they realise high value women aren’t settling for low effort nonsense and have plenty more options to pursue.
At the extreme end pick me's wind up being financially drained, knowingly cheated on constantly or end up being violently abused/murdered by their partner- its no joke- I see the news stories everyday. You put yourself at an increased risk to the worst of men being a pick me & having weak boundaries & this is not victim blaming- this is risk management because there is a lot of low life predatory trash out there. You really do have to be THAT bit extra cautious and firm if you want to get ahead. These violent unstable car crash leeches with their sob stories always seek to exploit women with too much empathy to give- stop giving them the benefit of the doubt & don't date whilst fragile. They need to level up before they date women like you. You don't need a man to be happy & if you feel that way its time to work on yourself- because high value women can take or leave men & that is why men chase to impress them.
Don't take dating advice from insecure, damaged or naive women who are stuck bending their backs for men who are low value/effort & don't let them project their low esteem/standards onto you. Its not hard to get a ring on your finger if you're a desperate pushover or naive. Severe pickmeishas will lead you to the wolves & then act shocked when it all falls apart...some might just enjoy bringing you down with them. Its not your problem if they won't listen or work on themselves. Because women who've worked on their esteem & learn from their own/others mistakes will not tolerate this- they are able to find value in themselves independently of men. Being single & working on yourself is 50x more fun & rewarding than trying to make a one-sided abusive relationship 'work'! Believe it or not - relationships don’t feel like work with a HVM! A relationship should be making your life easier, richer...not harder.
If he is thrown off by your standards & starts whinging/negging - great- he has shown you who he is & will fall off knowing he doesn't match up. Don't take it to heart when they expose themselves- be glad he weeded himself out. So pay attention that some fuckboys, the minute they realise you're not a pushover and that you expect him to be a provider/invest & hes too broke/immature to do that...they will act up and blow hot/cold...only because they know their time is running out & you have the upperhand options wise.
Don't internalise their bullshit- its their way of trying to 'beat you to it'- these men know when they don't match up to your intelligence/ standards- no man wants to stick around & behave where they feel they're in danger of being easily upgraded/ dumped at any moment. You've just rumbled him & now he needs to do something to exercise damage control on his big ass false ego. Equally if he is the type to start laughing constantly when he says something rude & you respond with a witty jab & he keeps doing this & testing your patience like a child- he's most likely going to be immature & get off on pushing your boundaries or be way too simpleton, so cut him off before you turn into mommy. If he is mature & scared to lose you, he is not going to risk offending you or making you feel like a joke/insecure of your position. He will leave you with no doubt.
Remember men's attention is cheap to attain so don't be flattered by it, don't assume what you are being sold is the real deal & not just a persona to get his foot in the door, because most men are simply just telling you what you want to hear to get what they want & that's why we buy it & end up with buyers remorse. Time is the teller here- take everything within 3months with a pinch of salt- you might see something different past the opening act. I'd say if he is still standing strong after 3months, then you can start taking him more seriously but I don't really start going into more personal deep stuff till 6month in, until I see consistency in the way they act & how they respond when I am having a bad day (do they seem genuinely responsive?). If he asks about your experience with ex's early on or asks why you're single- be coy on the details. Tell him your last ex treated you really good but you were both on 'different paths'.
It needs to be sweet/short & sound like your last longterm ex valued you but the logistics couldn't of possibly worked out for both of you (so he's not in fear of putting it all in&being ditched). You gotta be careful you don't start talking about your last ex did x y z nice things for you but you dumped him because his dick was too small or you just got bored - keep it snappy & positive, give him the impression you're not indecisive as to not scare him off. You don't want to give him buyers remorse by talking about how your ex's treated you like shit or you had mixed feelings- he’ll get scared he’s next .
The main takeaway is they need to know you aren't new to this game, easily impressed or moulded to their liking. You're only gonna commit to someone who invests & consistently treats you with respect, someone who lives up to their lip service with action, someone that meets your standards & that you find sexually attractive. When men see a woman is smart, confident in herself, knows her value , knows the game/mens BS like the back of her hand & will erect boundaries or leave if they try some..they're going to come at you differently. They will be happy to pay for you & chase you because they see you are high value/in demand & that you have options/ sense about you. They know you have ‘that side’ & are willing to leave if it no longer serves you. You will have the upperhand on these men basically. And if they know they aren't shit, they will soon drop off because they know they have 0 chance of turning you into a desperate pick me, you'll be gone as soon as that penny drops & you will not internalise it or let it lower your sense of value. A HVW keeps in touch with her instincts , standards & goals & has a steady supply of esteem for herself- the antics of fuckboys don’t affect her standards or her self value.